Every Little Step I Take

…You will be there. Every little step I make, we’ll be together…

Ya’ll know the song! Bobby Brown may have been referring to a female, but me, I’m talking about God.  When I decided to quit my job, (with the guidance of the Holy Spirit of course) I prayed and promised that from that point on I would seek God’s counsel for ANYTHING and EVERYTHING I did next. Yeah…reality is, that didn’t happen.

While I prayed that God would lead me to what was next and show me which step to take, I find myself trying to light my own path, and then talk to God when I hit a roadblock, like “what now?”. I want God to come help me because, like usual I drift off and get lost.  So here I am again, like in my own life game of Monopoly, I pulled the card that says “Go to Jail,  Do Not Pass “GO”, Do Not Collect $200″.

My jail is everything that I know. Everything I am familiar to and even some, if not most of my desires right now. Every step I make without consulting God just places me further into that dank, depressing cell. Yet, I still do it. I’m no where as far gone as I was, but the little teeter- tottering I do keeps me in limbo, and that’s just me in my holding cell awaiting my sentencing. It’s ridiculous because haven’t I been set free??!?! YES! I have. But usually, I lock myself back up.

I’m a creature of habit. One little bad habit will eventually snowball into something much bigger and destructive; and trust me I know all about destructive.  But it’s those little habits that are the hardest for me to break. For example as far as no sex: yeah it’s hard but doable, I’ve done it before as an unsaved girl, so yeah I can do it now. Basically I just stay away from fine, sexy, attractive men with nice teeth, pretty eyes, beautiful bodies, infectious laughs, and charming personalities and Barry White voices….so yeah, basically I stay away from anything with a penis ( and syrupy testosterone voices over the phone).

That means no new male friends and even reducing interactions with current male friends. Why so extreme? Well, this is where the little habit comes into play. In my old life, as soon as I saw one thing attractive about a man, I would size up his “bang-ability”; meaning, “would I bang you and if so, how soon?” Usually it was a yes and the ‘how soon” depended on how horny or bored I was.

My mind is a fantasizing playground that breeds curiosity. The more curious I was about something, the more determined I was to find out. Almost everything I fantasized about I wound up doing or wished I could do.

Matthew 5:28 ESV :  But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Man… that means I have had sooooooo many relations with people, physically and mentally!  So the issue isn’t necessarily the physical aspect of sex, it’s the mental. In order to reduce the effect of that curiosity, I have to guard my mind.  But the sex thing is just one area! That was just an example.

On my Christian journey, God has been pulling the covers off of EVERYTHING and seriously I want to pull some of them back! I’m like, “for real God, I’m cold, I’m not ready to wake up! Just let me sleep some more…PLEASE?!?!? When I get up I promise to be productive…” Hahaha! We ALL know that’s a load of crock. But yet I do it and I bet y’all do too. Sometimes I’m just too tired to do what is required to be a “real Christian”.  At least that’s what I tell myself to make me feel better. After all, I am a lazy procrastinator…

…BUT, am I not free?!?!? Yes I am. And as this lovely blog I read tonight reminded me (denoirehenderson.blogspot.com), it’s not about what I didn’t do before, it’s what I do now.  So I have to remove my thoughts, plans, dreams and desires by filling my mind with the thoughts of Christ.

Colossians 3:2-5 (ESV)  Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.

Romans 12:1-2 (ESV) 12 I appeal to you therefore, brothers,[a] by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.[b] 2 Do not be conformed to this world,[c] but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect

Ephesians 4:22-24 (ESV)   To put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

If I continue to push this off, then every little step I take will just lead me back to… ME, sans God… and frankly I’m tired of She.

So, today I bought a Bible, 2 planners, and a sketchbook.  My 1st bible that I purchased (if I spend money on it then you know it’s real), planners to keep me organized and structured and a sketchbook for whatever ideas, visions that may flow out.  I figure it’s about time I start chasing God for real to reveal the real Faithe and whatever God desires me to be.  Pray for my strength, persistence and dedication, soon I’ll be singing…

…Every little step we take, Lord you will be there, every little step we make, we’ll be together…. (Footprints)



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