I’m Tired…Part 2

So, I had my first prophetic encounter that I actually believed.  That fact boggles my mind. I mean,I’m not a newbie to it; I come from a family of dreamers and see-ers. I remember one time my aunt told me she had a dream I would come home 6 months pregnant- so as you can imagine, I took the necessary precautions to avoid that reality lol. But this was the first time I believed a stranger. I’m VERY critical of “prophets”, esp these days. But, I digress…

There is so much I’ve been wanting to say for the last month, but I’ve been holding it in! I originally thought about posting about what was occurring on my facebook page *in a divinely long status update*. Then I realized that one insanely long status could not even begin to touch on what I was experiencing- and I’m certain no one would want to read all of it lol.

Let me start by stating this: whatever occurs in my life is solely my experience. I do not expect anyone to outright believe what I believe or to act differently because of what happens in my life. However, I do implore you to listen and then to take the time to review your life. As I near the age of 30, I keep hearing friends and others talk about how they feel so lost, so distraught and like they haven’t found their purpose. As previously stated,  I was one of those individuals; now I’m not. As a Christian, I have identified that my purpose is to spread God’s word. The thing that is left unknown is exactly how am I supposed to do that?

Well the exact instructions are not clear right now, but after my encounter, a few things did indeed become clear…

I arrived home from Charleston around 5am Monday morning, and clearly  I was regretting the fact that I did not take the day off. So I called in and left a message on the answering machine. Instead of calling in for the whole day, like I wanted to, I just said I would be in by 12 because I was too wiped out to be any good before then.  And I slept- quietly and peacefully on the couch and sighed when my dreaded alarm went off.  I wanted to call in again and say, ” Nevermind, i’m not going to make it in.” But something wouldn’t let me.

I reluctantly got up, as I knew that God was pressing on me to make my 12pm deadline. As I drove to work, still bummed I had to come in, a weird feeling overcame me. I parked my car in the garage and I recognized that something was about to happen. It was just a feeling  I couldn’t shake.  I sat in the car in bewilderment and I chuckled, as I wondered if someone was going to say something to me about coming in late.

As I walked up the stairs, I talked to God and said, “Lord, please don’t let J/E (them) confront me today. I’m just not in the mood, I had a great weekend and I just want some more of that peace. If they were going to say something, then I could have just stayed home.”  I prayed a little more and took a deep breath before opening the door.  Walking past the receptionist, I honestly felt different. That feeling was still there, but now I had a peace; I didn’t worry about it. So I can’t say I was too surprised when not even 5 minutes after I arrived, my coworker had something to tell me.

She informed me that my supervisor had received a complaint regarding my performance. As I listened to the story of how it all came about on the Friday I was on vacation, my nature began to think of excuses. I was told that my supervisor was confused on if she should relay the information to my manager, which would have been “adding fuel to the fire”. As I was about state my case to my coworker, I just stopped. I took a breath and I said, “You know what, that customer is right. I haven’t been doing what I should be doing.”

I sat there and reflected on the “why?” Then I told my coworker, “it’s extremely hard to do a job when you have to lie.” BINGO! I won’t go into detail because it is not needed. But I will say that deception was the key to my frustration. In that conversation I acknowledged that I could not claim to be for God, when the actions at work did not follow his commands as well. I was living a double life and wondering why it was so hard to stay on track in my personal life.

In those next moments, the word PREPARATION, came into my mind. It repeated over and over in my head. Then it connected and said, “prepare to leave.”

My goodness I felt so weightless! And even though I was told that my supervisor was looking for me to talk, she never did. I even approached her and she dismissed me without saying anything. Instead, I went home knowing that God had answered that prayer.

At home I closed my bedroom door and turned on worship music. I set the atmosphere as I sang and cried out to God. Then I pulled out my Bible and let God’s words speak to me. There, in his word I found more clarity for the events that had occurred earlier that day. In those hours, I know God spoke to me, not as an omnipresent, booming voice like we imagine. No it was calm, peaceful and familiar. That’s when I realized that it was the Holy Spirit  guiding and speaking to me.  I fell asleep amazed and thankful that part of the prophecy had come true.

I woke up refreshed and eager to get to work, because I knew my time was nearing. I listened to Psalms 62 over and over again as I rode to work. I needed to stay in a place that was close to God where I could hear his voice. When I arrived at work, I was urged to write a to do list. This list was all the things I needed to complete before I could move on. One thing was clear, I KNEW I was leaving, just didn’t know when.

All week, I had the same routine: wake up at 5am- pray, listen to scripture in car, listen to sermons at work  (or music), check off tasks, listen to sermons in car, Bible study at home then sleep by 12am.  By the time Thursday hit, I had completed all of my tasks on my list…all except the last thing; write your statement letters.

But I 2nd guessed myself (maybe I was jumping the gun), so I reached out to a great man of God (Pastor Ken Smith) and I told him of my situation. I explained to him that I had prayed to God for them (bosses) to approach me first, or even a sign to approach them, then I would know it was time to resign. But once I told him that I had a to do list and my letters were the last thing on it, he asked me why I needed a sign, if God had already instructed me on what to do?

At that point it clicked! God did not want my departure to be confused with confrontation, he wanted me to take a stand. So I typed my letter and after a few reviews I printed it and told my supervisor I needed to speak with her and my manager. They were both surprised; especially because I confronted the real issue. Surprisingly for me, I was given the option to quit or to be released.

Shoot of course my initial reaction was to choose to be released because that meant I could get unemployment- but she told me to sleep on it over the weekend (it was still Thursday).   However, as soon as I got in the car I heard the Holy Spirit say, “what if I told you to quit?” I knew then what the answer was gonna be, but of course I had to go pray on it.  And wouldn’t you know it, quit was the outcome.

So the Friday of the same week of my prophetic encounter, I gave my official resignation letter.  No one really understood. I was even mocked (yes I know you mocked my decision because “I’m saved”now”). But the truth is, the more you gossiped and the more you were confused; God still got the glory.

I acknowledged where I messed up because I want God to do more with me. I’m letting go of the things that hold me back from his will. I can’t say this process was easy, or that I even fully understood it; because I didn’t. But I had the best peace I’ve ever had in my life during that week! I was finally learning to live by faith.  Even though I know the journey ahead will be full of even harder decisions, I’m trusting in God’s will for my life… I’m all yours Lord.

For me, when I get distraught or feel lost I remember the week when I decided that I was tired of being tired.

 

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