We Fall Down

We fall down, but we get up

We fall down, but we get up

We fall down, but we get up

For a saint is just a sinner who fell down, and got up.

I used to hate this song. Still might not favor it. But right now, it seems to ring true with me understanding the point of it. See, I thought this song made light of the habit or practice of the Christian falling into sin. Like it was a regular and expected thing to do, “oh, you fell? Well that’s cool, it’s not a big deal”.

I preferred to sing “for a saint WAS just a sinner who fell down, and got up”. That seemed more finite. I could get down with that because it implied that I was once a sinner and then God changed me and I stopped falling into sin. DONE. FINITO.

For years, before getting saved I could not sing the song with out changing that one word. But as I sat in my car thinking about what I should write, this song came to mind in its original style. I recited the words and it hit me. Donnie was right all along.

Yes, we do fall MANY times and prayerfully we get back up. For indeed a saint, a Christian, a disciple of Christ IS just a sinner who fell down, [repented] and got up. So why is this significant to me now?

Because I keep falling. I fall in my heart, in my desire for Christ, and in my lack of faith. Unbelief creeps in and I become overwhelmed and distracted by disappointments and conflict. In turn, I slowly become disenchanted with the Word of God and my Savior.

I was hanging on by a string, that threatened to snap at any given moment. Why? Because I was hurt.

CHURCH HURT: It was years in the making. Ultimately, God called me to The Gathering Oasis church for a purpose and I completed my call. I’ve implied a lot over the years regarding my issues while there because there were so many. I did what The Holy Spirit told me to do. “Do you fear man?”, was the question and the answer was no. So I followed through and was “pushed”out.

I was fine with leaving, had been praying to leave for years. But for things to have been handled the way they were handled- that is what hurt the most. But I don’t take back one word that I said. In fact, if my husband had been given the chance for a sit down- I would have said it again.

But that’s not what happened and I wanted to tell everyone, EVERYTHING I knew or heard because I felt people needed to be warned. But I stayed silent and that’s how I stayed trapped & how I fell again.

Then, I found myself on a website notorious for gossip. I lurked in the shadows hoping someone would have the guts to say what I wanted to say. To reveal the trauma they experienced, to pull the wool off the wolves in the midst.  But not me, anyone but me. If I had shared, I would have spewed from a place of condemnation and hate. And that’s not of Christ. And the message would have just been marked as bitter. But yesterday was a new day.

Instead, I made a plea to that group that they would consider shutting it down. Why? because I know there are other hurt & broken people like me who fall into the temptation to read the gossip. Did I expect them to listen, of course not! I am just hoping that someone gets the message: there is freedom in forgiveness- which sometimes means telling the whole truth- to those who hurt you and even yourself. We fell, it’s ok, let’s brush off. Now, are you ready to be free & repent?

Truth is I just want everyone, especially Cornelius & Heather to truly repent. My heart breaks to see so many people affected by the continuous denial of responsibility, manipulation & lies. There will be more blood on your hands if you continue to ignore the truth: come out of bondage, be freed. You can get up and fulfill your calling the way God intended- not the way you packaged.

I’ve repented of my bitterness, etc. but it doesn’t mean that I get to be quiet and mind my business. No, this means I need to seek out those who have been hurt, who have fallen and encourage them to get up and finish this race with the same zeal they once started with. To anyone who might feel as this applies to you: repent. Get back up. Come out of your ways. Hear God calling you and allow him to restore you, as he is doing to me. For a saint IS just a sinner who fell down, and got up- Again & Again & AGAIN….

*This was a beginning effort to get things off my chest,  from now on I will be using the Word of God to help clarify any questions or concerns anyone may have. 

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