It’s only been a month and I have a confession: I suck as a girlfriend. Yep, that’s right, I said it. I suck at being a girlfriend.
It’s my boo’s birthday and I found myself stressing because I’ve never celebrated a birthday of a significant other. Matter of fact, it’s been 12 years since I’ve been in a relationship. The last “boyfriend” I had, was at 18.
So, as you can imagine, I’m a wreck. I’m all over the place; freaking out just because there is actually someone I call my boyfriend AND it’s his birthday!!! Like C’MON!!! I just wanted to get adjusted to the fact that I was in a relationship, but I gotta express those feelings too!?!
Part of me wished I had all the money to buy him whatever he wanted. Surely that would suffice. Then the other part wants to say, “it’s too soon for all that, so let’s just chill when you get back”.
This is heavy. Really heavy. One minute I’m all in this and the next I’m just nonchalantly there. And, trust me, he’s feeling the weight of it.
I’m not an encourager. I’m not a fluff giver. I’m not very loving. I’m not emotional (unless I’m upset). I have no couth; especially when it comes to his feelings/opinions. Basically, blunt doesn’t even touch the surface.
Yet, he loves me.
So, while I’ve been having my emotional temper tantrums and taking them out on him, he’s been listening to me. He’s been patient with me. He’s learning to be honest with me- while protecting my feelings. He’s been praying for me as I adjust to loving him.
I just pray that God continues to show me how to grow and let go of myself so I can fall completely in love with this fella of mine.
So Happy Birthday to my boo, this song is for you!