After the bomb dropped, there was a calmness, like in the eye of a storm. I even spoke to my dad to telling him everything and he was calm! So then, I reached for my phone to call guy. But I heard the Holy Spirit tell me not to. Told me that he would text and call me, so be patient.
I was also told that he would lie and deny the allegations at first and then eventually confess. Within 5 mins, I recieved a text. “Good afternoon”, it read. Livid, I was livid. “Really???”, I said to myself, “so he wanna play dumb, huh?”
Then the phone rang. Again, he nonchalantly asked me how my day was as I sat staring at the phone, bewildered that he had the balls to act like he didn’t know what was going on. I cut that act short. “Don’t play with me, you already know what’s up…”
And we proceeded to discuss the events of earlier. And yes, he straight up lied. Defended himself saying none of it was true. I calmly told him it didn’t matter what he said, because I believed her. But I also told him that God told me to stay, regardless.
But then I said, “I feel as if God is saying we need to not communicate for 30 days.” He could call my father, but not me. And he had YET to confess. So I asked him to screenshot his messages, and not delete anything. That’s when he told me the truth. And I cried.
However, my tears weren’t tears of hurt, they were tears of joy; of relief. I was overjoyed that I served a God who loved me so much that He would guide me and prepare me in the little details. I explained to him how he couldn’t lie to me, God wouldn’t let him.
The situation had not revealed anything to me that God had not already shown me. Yes, he was a liar, a deceiver, filled with lust, lacking discipline, etc. ALL things I had confronted him with from the very beginning. God’s gifted me with discernment and it was in overdrive with him.
I pleaded with him to get his life right with God, because the road he was headed on would lead to certain death. And there was no way he could have me if he wasn’t completely in Christ.
I reminded him about the dream he had of me publicly embarrassing him. Told him that it had been a warning, because now I had to write about this, exposing it because can’t live a life in secrecy. (God led me to do more than write, but more about that later)
This “fairytale” would be a reality show. Open, transparent, raw, real, dirty. Chopping down the belief that the Christian walk is pretty and happy. It’s ugly and messy. Just like how we were when Christ came to us.
In that moment, I told him he couldn’t hurt me because he didn’t have my heart; God did. And while God does have my heart; truth is, I lied. I was hurt. That’s why I told him 30 days. I needed space to cope with following the Lord’s desires even when EVERYTHING tangible tells you not to.
Funny how separation can cause a bigger impact than we originally anticipate…
*to be continued
FINDING FAITH(E) 