I think we all come to a point where we want to trust God’s infinite wisdom, but our human understanding and reason gets in the way.
Case and point: I get why I’m going through the things I’m going through, BUT on the other hand I don’t get why I’m going through the things in going through.
I’m supposed to be writing a blog right now, or even yesterday that explains what I’m going through, buuutttt the human part of me is finding it hard to express it with complete understanding.
Basically the human part of me wants to yell, scream and cry out in frustration. “Why me, Lord? Why me??!!?!!”. I want to be angry. I want to walk away. I want to tend my wounds and sulk. I want this lump full of anticipation to go away. “I just want it to be over”- Keyshia Cole.
But, then again I see how God will get so much glory from this. Then that makes me feel peaceful, yet guilty. How can I want to be upset when I can see the bigger picture? Even if the details are a little fuzzy- I still see it. Can I not just be content in my portion? Be content with my journey- even though I’m obedient and STILL gotta go through tests because of others disobedience?
Most would say I’m not content if I admitted my frustration with my circumstances. Well truth is- I am content. I sometimes believe we don’t really understand what being content really is. You know, Paul had his thorn and he couldn’t stand it! He prayed (like fasting, laid out, prob cried too) to have it removed several times! But, yet he was content.
Contentment doesn’t mean happiness and it doesn’t automatically equate to joy either. Yes, joy is in the Lord and he gives it freely- but you have to work for it. You have to push through the frustration to get to content which leads to joy.
When you see the purpose that’s where you begin to find contentment. That’s where his peace finds you and helps you to keep on going. And you have to fight for it everyday.
That’s why I’m going to see my counselor tomorrow. I need to fight for my peace, for a confused yet content heart and eventually my FULL joy. The first place for me to start is by VENTING (lol otherwise known as confession).
Pray for me. This walk is about to get EXTRA real lol.